Saying “no” is a transformative act. If you have difficulty saying “no,” it may be a necessary step on the path to self-discovery, growth, and the courage to set boundaries that honor your well-being.

For me, saying “no” was the ultimate challenge I struggled with for much of my life. Unconsciously, I sought validation from others by pouring my time, energy, and resources into meeting their needs. It felt good to be needed – to be the hardworking employee or the reliable friend who was always there, but I didn’t see the toll it was taking on my health or my personal growth until I became exhausted from neglecting my own needs. When I ran out of energy, I would simply disappear without explanation. I was oblivious to the fact that I was hurting the people I left behind. After a while, they gave up on me and disconnected. Many people, including my family, viewed me as strange, and I couldn’t even understand why I was running or acting so extremely.

It wasn’t until my family came into my life and brought two precious children into the world that I was forced to confront my inability to say “no.” The children’s mother reflected the type of person I had once run away from a draining, “vampire-type” personality, and with children who were already deeply connected to me, I couldn’t simply walk away. Even when I tried, it was far more painful knowing they needed me, so I had to come back and face my demons. I was trapped in a cycle of self-sacrifice, and I had to learn how to put my own needs and aspirations first within such emotional turbulence. It was a very difficult and challenging path and, in a strange way, also a blessing.

I recognized the pattern I had fallen into and understood how my fear of saying “no” had led me to neglect myself and stall my life. Growing up in a home with little love or affection made me believe that receiving love meant giving up my own needs and constantly giving to others, even when I wanted something for myself. Receiving was never an option; I didn’t know how to accept gifts or love. Unconsciously, I acted as though love would only come my way if I kept giving. Little did I know that I first needed to love myself before giving to others. With that awareness came the opportunity for change — a chance to break free from people-pleasing and learn an important lesson: don’t say “yes” when you mean “no.”

It was a long journey to change that old behavior and learn to put boundaries that prioritize my well-being while still being there for others, finding balance. It’s a journey of self-empowerment: learning to say “no” when necessary and to honor my needs and aspirations without feeling guilt or apology.

If you struggle to set boundaries in your own life, know you’re not alone. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your well-being. Say “no” when something doesn’t work for you, you won’t be hated for it; in fact, you may gain respect. And if people leave because you’re not available to serve their needs, you’re better off without them – they aren’t seeking a mutual friendship and they drain your energy.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery and empowerment, and watch how the power of “no” can transform your life.